Oh, man, this so much. And it made me SO ANGRY when I would say I wanted stuff like the Alanna books, but with a queer main character, and I got told I should be happy with angstfests in totally different genres.

...actually, it still makes me really angry, although it's starting to get better in YA fiction.

And fandom has always been an escape from the angstfests for me. I mean, even when there's angst in fandom, it's usually because The World Is Doomed or whatever, and not because the characters are queer. At least in the fandom I hang out in.