I could go for being more stable. That'd be nice.

[tiamatschild]

I'm going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation with my mother. I really, really, really don't want to have it, but I can't possibly avoid it, and it's making me so upset I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to cry but I can't quite seem to, and I'm sick to my stomach with self loathing and fear.

It's stupid! It's my mother! She loves me! I'm just going to point out some things about a situation she admits she doesn't know the full story on! It's no big deal!

But I'm still panicking about it.

The social anxiety can go home now. It is not wanted at this party.

Comments

[commodorified]

*hugs you*

This is not necessarily a useful comment but... sometimes it's okay to go and get the panic a cup of tea and a blanket and just sort of let it happen for a bit.

[tiamatschild]

*snugs* Thanks. I did eventually get chamomile and read about Marsh and Cope's epic prehistoric mammal feud until I calmed down a little.

And, actually, I know it's weird? But the It's Okay To Feel Badly Even When There's No Reason thing is good for me to hear, because I forget and get horribly upset at myself for being upset, which, of course, does not help. I know that when I'm calm, but when I'm not calm I tend to forget.

[commodorified]

I find it helpful to remember. It's... just pain. Awful, but not a character flaw or a big honking crisis, just boring old pain.

One treats it, and is gentle, and it passes. This has gotten me through some truly nasty times.

Sometimes all I can do is arrange for reasonable creature comforts and then just sit still and let myself feel badly. This is usually better than whatever I might do flailing around trying Not To Have Pain. (anxiety is pain, to me)

Though, often, when I do that, it passes off faster than it otherwise might, possibly because I'm not sort of fighting it and forcing it to come at me through a straw. That's sort of a rotten metaphor, but.

[tiamatschild]

No, that makes sense! Like opening a flood gate or making the water force itself through at a trickle - which often leads to explosive break throughs anyway.

Anxiety is definitely pain. It feels like pain, it really does.

[commodorified]

Which is to say, I don't think it's even weird. It's pretty common to feel like one HAS TO HAVE A REASON OMG, and this can go badly, not least in that if we let them, our brains will be very inventive about coming UP with reasons.

[tiamatschild]

Yeeeah. Or sometimes, not especially inventive, but certainly very hurtful.

(Why do I feel bad? Because I am a horrible person! answers the part of me that comes up with this stuff.)